Death Battle Predictions: Macho Man VS Kool-Aid Man

 

Randall Poffo, the Macho Man Randy Savage.

 

Kool-Aid Man, the mascot of Kraft Heinz’s Kool-Aid.

Death Battle has been going for more than 10 years now, and we’ve been going through a bunch of matchups that have a history with either the cast & crew or the community. And as fate would have it, this is also the season to celebrate 150 episodes of the show. And instead of planet-sized conquerors or video game space marines, we’re getting the battle of Chad James’ dreams.

Before the beginning of Death Battle, there were childhood idols. The 90s’ was a great era that brought smiles and happiness to the faces of children. But, the commercials were the main course because of how so much character and detail was put into the connection. Especially when the audience gets hungry or thirsty for a nice refreshment, no matter the cause. 

For the 150th special, two of Boomstick’s heroes will finally crash for the ages. Both destroy obstacles in their way to reach the goal of giving all children everywhere a smile. They will take any challenge ahead to do their job even if losing is the outcome, but will still drive through that damn wall. Not even the law of physics will stop these two warriors from refreshing determinations. So, the ultimate question is which out of the two will come out on top? The answer will soon be uncovered in a DEATH BATTLE.

 

OH YEAH!!!!

Background

Macho Man

“Best there is past, present, and future! Ohhhhh yeahhhh!"

Outside of Slim Jims and WWE, Macho Man was born as Randall Mario Poffo, but in the world of professional wrestling, Randy Savage is an absolute legend. He started his career in the squared circle in 1973 but didn’t become a breakout star until he signed with the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) in 1985. In the WWF, Randy chose his future wife Miss Elizabeth as his manager, though he was often portrayed as a crazed, ego-maniacal bully who often mistreated Miss Elizabeth and threatened anyone who even looked at her.

Despite this attitude, Randy showed everyone why he was “the top free agent in pro wrestling”. Despite being a heel (a wrestling term for bad guy), the Macho Man’s popularity kept on rising. As a result, he began treating the fans and Miss Elizabeth better. However, the Hart Foundation interfered during one of his matches and ambushed Randy Savage. Thankfully, someone came to his rescue, none other than THE Hulk Hogan. After the two fended off the Hart Foundation, Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan joined forces to form the Mega Powers. As a result, Randy became a babyface (wrestling term for good guy). Unfortunately, the alliance between Hogan and Savage couldn’t last forever. Hogan took Miss Elizabeth as his manager, stirring jealousy in Randy. Later on, Savage would turn heel by attacking Hogan, starting a feud with his former teammate. 

Their rivalry launched an event that resulted in Randy Savage losing to Hulk Hogan. Afterward, Randy would continue to lose to Hogan in more matches. Many months later after becoming the Macho King, Randy would have a new feud with the Ultimate Warrior. This rivalry eventually culminated in a career-ending match which Randy ultimately lost. After the match however, Randy became a color commentator for the WWF. Despite his Wrestlemania loss, Randy wouldn’t stay out of the ring for long. He got into several feuds with other wrestlers causing him to get back to being a wrestler and during this period of time proposed to and married Miss Elizabeth. Randy Savage won the title for a second time. However, Randy would only keep the title for a couple of months before it was won back. After this Randy continued to feud with the other wrestlers.

After the feuds, Randy became a color commentator once again. When he left the WWF in 1994, Randy signed into the WCW. At WCW, Randy would reunite with his old teammate Hulk Hogan and restart a feud with Ric Flair. In 1995, Randy won the WCW World Heavyweight Championship. While Randy would lose the title the next month to Flair, he would win it back the next year. Flair took the title back after winning a steel cage match at SuperBrawl VI. However, things didn’t look pretty for Savage at WCW. He would have an on-and-off relationship with his former wife Miss Elizabeth and was betrayed by Hogan, shortly after this Randy would leave WCW for a few months. When Randy returned, Hogan’s ego resulted in a match between him and Randy that ended with the latter losing his title. Afterward, Randy would leave for another break.

While he did return and had feuded with and teamed up with other wrestlers, eventually Randy left WCW, and subsequently professional wrestling, in 1999. Randy ultimately retired from professional wrestling shortly after. On May 20, 2011, Randall Marrio Poffo tragically passed away at the age of 58 after suffering from a heart attack caused by atherosclerotic heart disease. Vince McMahon, the WWE, and TNA all paid tribute to the fallen wrestler. In 2015, Mega Powers partner and long time rival Hulk Hogan inducted Randy Savage into the WWE Hall of Fame. Despite his tragic death, Randy Savage and his legendary career has previously inspired many generations of young wrestlers to lace up their boots and enter the squared circle and still continues to do so, all of them hoping to become the next world champion just like their hero.

Kool-Aid Man

“Oh yeahhhh! Kool-Aid’s here, bringing you fun! Kool-Aid’s got thirst on the run! Get a big wide happy ear-to-ear Kool-Aid smile!”

In 1954, General Foods needed an image for their flavored water product, Kool-Aid. And so, inspired by his son drawing smiley faces on frosted windows, Marvin Potts, an art director for a New York agency, created the Pitcher Man, a talking pitcher with a wide smile. Audiences loved the commercials so they continued to keep using him. Eventually, this design evolved, and eventually, in 1974, Alan Kupchick and Harold Karp created the smiling 6 foot smiling pitcher with limbs named Frankie D’Koolaid, aka the Kool-Aid Man! And be it via the call of “Hey Kool Aid'' or shenanigans of the Thirsties, the Kool Aid Man will be there to quench the evil of thirst with his signature drink and his well renowned catchphrase, “Oh Yeah!”

Equipment

Macho Man

Cream

As the self-proclaimed “Cream of the Crop”, Randy always has several cups of cream on his person, seemingly able to conjure them out of thin air. It is not known how much cream he can pull out at once, or if such a limit even exists.

Macho King

The Macho King is the main weapon of Macho Man during his stint in Brawlhalla. It is a double sided axe. The Macho King allows Macho Man to summon and dual wield a folding chair.

“OHHHHH YEEAAAH!”

The “OHHHHH YEEAAAH!” is Macho Man’s rocket lance used in Brawlhalla. It provides a fast, heavy, rocket-propelled form of combat.

Slim Jims

Macho Man’s commercial hit is the Slim Jim, a snack that allows him access to numerous abilities when snapping into one. These abilities consist of:

• Explosion Manipulation: The iconic ability of the Slim Jim is to cause explosions to go off around those who snap into one.

• Teleportation/BFR: Macho Man can teleport himself into a closed off or caged ring dimension.

• Weather Manipulation: Snapping into a Slim Jim causes lightning to strike and a tornado to form.

Wrestling Weapons

In professional wrestling, there are a variety of weapons stored under the ring that wrestlers, usually heels, would use against their opponent. These weapons are usually illegal in normal, common matches, but some wrestling matches with special stipulations would allow wrestlers to use these weapons without any worry of disqualification. Here are the following weapons stored under a wrestling ring that a wrestler may use:

• Fluorescent Light Tubes

• Barbed Wire

• Fire

• Fire Extinguisher

• Thumbtacks

• Staple Gun

• Steel Folding Chairs

• Tables

• Ladders

• Barbed Wire 2X4

• Trash Cans

• Kendo Sticks

• Lead Pipes

• Chains

• Sledgehammers

• Guitar

• Handcuffs

• Crutches

• Crowbars

• Title Belts

• Ring Bells

Golden Scepter

When Randy Savage defeated Jim Duggan for the latter’s crown, he went from the Macho Man to the Macho King. After becoming the Macho King, Randy was given a new golden scepter by the “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase as a gift. With the scepter, the Macho King can use it as a melee weapon and inflict damage onto his opponents.

Kool-Aid Man

Kool-Aid

The Kool-Aid Man has had access to every flavor of Kool-Aid created over the years, usually kept in a specific cabinet of his house.

However certain flavors of Kool-Aid have been observed to bestow certain powers on the mascot and others such as:

• Kool-Aid: The original flavor may not seem like much, however, it’s been shown to have the capability to age people, both forwards and backward!

• Ghoul-Aid: A Halloween version of Kool-Aid that gives KAM a vampire attire.

• Invisible: Turns KAM’s body invisible.

• Ice Cool: Seemingly grants KAM ice breath.

• Rainbow Punch: Gives KAM the ability to produce rainbows. Said rainbows have physical mass and can even be used to repair objects, such as a hot air balloon.

• Tropical Punch: Gives KAM the ability to manipulate waves as well as super breath.

• Sunshine Punch: Gives KAM a sick set of shades, heat resistance, and the ability to emit blinding light.

• Super Fruity Cherry: Enhances KAM’s strength.

• Kool-Aid Bursts: A swig of one healed a kid to perfect condition after they had been crushed flat and increased their strength. It also caused a burst of Kool-Aid to come out of their feet granting the ability to fly.

• Kool-Aid Koolers: A splash to the face changed the size of a boxer causing him to lose the game.

• Bugs Bunny Pre-Sweetened Kool-Aid: While this Kool Aid Flavor allows the ability to summon items, vehicles (including a UFO), and an army of Children at any time, the Box Art itself features Bugs Bunny, who can leave the box and can interact with the outside world.

Cool Copter

It’s a helicopter…named the Cool Copter. What is up with characters in comics and naming helicopters after themselves?

Monster Truck

If one comical vehicle wasn’t enough, KAM also has a monster truck to spread Kool-Aid to the world.

Jetpack 

A jetpack that KAM uses to zoom throughout space.

Snowboard

A snowboard that creates snow and ice paths while it’s moving to freeze the surrounding area and gain easy momentum.

Sword

Surprisingly, the Kool-Aid Man has a trusty blade in case he needs it to cut his competition down to size!

Magic Wand

A magical wand that Kool-Aid Man can pull out of…somewhere. The wand can create items out of thin air, change items into other items,turn items different colors, and it can even affect living beings.

Sports Equipment

Despite what his big round body would suggest, the Kool-Aid Man is a very athletic individual, competing in various sports and physical activities. With him participating in so many sports, he’s sure to have a bunch of sports equipment on hand. Here are the following sports equipment from the sports that the Kool-Aid Man has been shown competing in:

• Hockey Sticks

• Rollerskates

• Baseballs

• Baseball Bats

• Baseball Pitcher

• Soccer Balls

• Kool-Aid Brand Puma X Gear

• Basketballs

• Bowling Balls

• Footballs

• Fishing Rods

• Flying Tricycle

• Ice Skates

• Skateboard

Lightsaber

Kool-Aid Liquids (and by extension the Kool-Aid Man) have access to their very own lightsabers. 

Abilities

Macho Man

Wrestling

Randy has a variety of signature moves that he utilizes in the ring

Diving Elbow Drop

Randy Savage’s famous finishing move. A diving elbow drop is executed by diving onto a prone opponent from the top turnbuckle with one's elbow cocked, driving the elbow into the opponent's shoulder, chest, or head.

Airplane Spin

A wrestler lifts the opponent onto their shoulders and spins around and around until they get dizzy and crash to the ground.

Atomic Drop

A move in which the wrestler goes behind an opponent, then puts his head under the opponent's shoulder. He then lifts his opponent up and drops him or her tailbone-first on the wrestler's knee.

Back Elbow

Also known as a Reverse Elbow, in this attack, the wrestler stands with his back to a running opponent and thrusts out an elbow, which the opponent runs into.

Chokehold

A grappling hold that critically reduces or prevents either air (choking) or blood (strangling) from passing through the neck of an opponent.

Crossbody

Also known as crossbody block, this is a maneuver in which a wrestler jumps onto his opponent and lands horizontally across the opponent's torso, forcing them to the mat and usually resulting in a pinfall attempt. There is also an aerial variation known as a flying crossbody where the wrestler leaps from an elevated position, like the top rope, towards the opponent.

Diving Double Axe Handle

This is accomplished by jumping from the top turnbuckle to the mat or floor and striking the opponent with two fists held together in the fashion of holding an axe. This is usually done on a standing or rising opponent, not a prone one. Randy Savage popularized this move and would even use it outside of the ring.

Gutwrench Suplex

A gut-wrench suplex involves a wrestler standing on one side of an opponent locking their arms around the opponent's waist (near arm in front of the opponent and far arm behind) and lifting them up before slamming them over back-first down to the mat.

Hair-Pull Hangman

Seen when a wrestler who is on the opposite side of the ring ropes from an opponent (on the 'apron') grabs the opponent by the head and drops down, forcing the opponent's throat across the ropes. As the name implies, this move sees one wrestler take advantage of another's long hair by pulling it.

High Knee

An attack in which a wrestler charges towards the opponent, then jumps up and raises a knee to hit the opponent, usually into the side of the head. Randy would use this move to hit the back of his opponents instead.

Jumping Knee Drop

A move in which a wrestler jumps/falls down on an opponent, driving their knee into anywhere on the opponent's body.

Lariat Takedown

A move popularized by Randy Savage. The wrestler runs towards their opponent, wraps an arm around the opponent's upper chest and neck, and swings both legs forward, using this momentum to pull the opponent down with them to the mat back-first.

Multiple Elbow Smashes

The wrestler makes a punching motion, but tucks their hand towards the chest so the elbow and forearm make contact. Randy Savage would perform this move multiple times at once against an opponent.

Piledriver

A Piledriver is a wrestling driver move in which the wrestler grabs his opponent, turns him upside-down, and drops into a sitting or kneeling position, driving the opponent's head into the mat.

Scoop Slam

Facing their opponent, the wrestler reaches between their opponent's legs with one arm and reaches around their back from the same side with their other arm. The wrestler lifts their opponent up and turns them upside down so that they are held up by the wrestler's arm cradling their back. The wrestler then throws the opponent to the ground so that they land on their back.

Sleeper Hold

The wrestler begins positioned behind their opponent and wraps their arm around the opponent's neck, pressing the biceps against one side of the neck and the inner bone of the forearm against the other side. The neck is squeezed inside the arm very tightly. Additional pressure can be applied by grabbing the left shoulder with the right hand, or grabbing the biceps of the left arm near the elbow, then using the left hand to push the opponent's head towards the crook of the right elbow.

Snake Eyes

This move sees the wrestler place the opponent's stomach down on his or her shoulder such that they both are facing the same direction. The wrestler then throws the opponent face-first onto any top turnbuckle or throat-first on any top rope of the ring.

Snapmare

With the wrestler's back to the opponent, they apply a three-quarter face lock (also known as a cravate), kneel down, and then pull the opponent forward, flipping them over their shoulder down to the mat, back first.

Super Back Suplex

A suplex performed by an attacker standing on the second or third rope against an opponent sitting on the top rope or top turnbuckle. The attacker grabs the opponent on the rope, then pulls them down and throws them on their back.

Vertical Suplex

In a set up similar to a snap suplex, the attacking wrestler applies a front face lock to his/her opponent, draping the opponent's near arm over their shoulder. When the opponent is in the position, they’re lifted up to an upside-down position before the attacking wrestler falls backward, slamming the opponent’s back into the mat.

Teleportation

Macho Man has shown the ability to use lightning-based teleportation, even bringing objects as Slim Jim stands with him.

Shapeshifting

Macho Man has shown the ability to shapeshift into inanimate objects like the Slim Jim logo and back to his original form.

Hypnotism

Randy Savage is capable of performing hypnosis, though he normally uses this ability to get people to buy and eat Slim Jims.

Magical Enhancement

In the mobile game WWE Immortals, the physical bodies of WWE Superstars are enhanced via magic. As a result, they can hit harder than usual and can take more damage than normal.

Macho Drop

In this maneuver, Randy lifts up his opponent and spins them around. Afterward, he hits them with a body slam to the ground.

Scepter Smash

In this maneuver, Randy summons his golden scepter and hits his opponent hard enough to send them flying upward into the air. As they come back down, Randy grabs onto them and finishes them off with a suplex.

Chain Toss

In this maneuver, Randy takes out a pair of metal chains and uses them as whips. Once they’re wrapped around an opponent’s neck, Randy throws his opponent high into the air. As they fall, he grabs onto them and performs a piledriver on the opponent straight into the ground.

Elbow Drop

In this special move, Randy jumps towards his opponent and hits them into the air. As they hit the ground, the opponent’s body bounces off the ground and Randy hits them into the air again. The Macho Man prances around for a bit while waiting for his opponent to land. Afterward, he jumps high into the air and dives towards his opponent, driving his elbow into anywhere on the opponent's body for a devastating impact.

Kool-Aid Man

Transmutation

One of KAM’s more odd tools in his powerset, he’s been shown to have the ability to turn various objects and landmasses into various Kool-Aid-themed products. Whether that be three mountains (shown above) or even Earth itself!

He can even use it with his mind!

Battlefield Removal

The Kool-Aid Man is able to transport people to his Kool-Aid Beach dimension, and could potentially transport them anywhere.

Time Manipulation

The KAM has shown the ability to reverse time, fast forward time, time travel, and stop time entirely.

Object Possession 

The KAM has an oddly consistent ability to be able to inhabit any inanimate object, from empty billboards to hats.

Mind Manipulation

KAM can turn even the most evil and mean spirited bullies into perfect little angels with some Kool-Aid.

He has also been able to read minds.

Size Manipulation

Kool-Aid Man can grow and shrink his body into a variety of sizes. He’s even been able to grow to the size of stars. 

Shapeshifting

Like Macho Man, the KAM has also shown shapeshifting capabilities.

Healing Tears

The Kool-Aid Man’s tears have some sort of fast healing property, as just one drop was able to regrow the then-deceased Mr. Peanut in a matter of seconds.

Medium Traveling

The KAM has the ability to travel between mediums and send others through different mediums as well. As he was able to go inside superhero comic books and become a superhero, as well as letting other characters from cereal boxes and magazines out of their boxes and papers as shown in the GIF above.

Cloning

By yelling “Hey, Kool-Aid!”, the KAM can inexplicably summon another Kool-Aid Man. This new Kool-Aid Man likely has the same stats and powers as the original. Alternatively he can just cut the middleman and clone himself with nothing required.

KAM has also shown the ability to separate himself into multiple miniature versions should the Kool-Aid spill as well.

Portal Creation

The KAM can make gateways for him to walk through. He can also make a portal to a Kool-Aid Beach dimension. How he does this? Who knows?

Fire Manipulation

The Kool-Aid Man can surround his body with fire and make the fire expand.

Enhanced Hearing

The KAM can consistently hear the faint sounds of children slurping from great distances away.

Fourth Wall Awareness

Obviously, the KAM knows he’s in a commercial as he has talked to the audience directly, but it goes further beyond that.

In the Kool-Aid Man comics, he’s able to break through the pages and talk to the audience. 

And as shown in the gif above, he’s also able to break through the entire commercial as well. This also seems to be a consistent ability in the Kool-Aid Commercial Universe, as this kid was able to punch through the TV to give the watcher some Kool-Aid.

He himself has also shown the ability to escape the TV and enter our world.

Feats

Macho Man

Overall

• Became a Pro Wrestler Champion in WWF ten times

• Held over twenty different championship titles in his career

• Is one of the most iconic pro wrestlers in history

• Got into the WWE Hall of Fame

• Helped stop The Rapture of Earth

• Saved the Baywatch Youth Center 

• Is the Cream of the Crop

• Defeated Tito Santana for the WWF Intercontinental Championship

• Defeated King Kong Bundy to win the 1987 King of the Ring tournament

• Formed the Mega Powers with Hulk Hogan

• Defeated the “Million Dollar Man’ Ted DiBiase for the WWF Championship

• Became the Macho King after defeating Jim Duggan

• Defeated “The Nature Boy” Rick Flair at Wrestlemania VIII for the WWF Championship

• Successfully defended the WWF Championship against The Ultimate Warrior at SummerSlam 1992

• Won WCW’s World War 3 Battle Royale for the WCW World Title

• Defeated Ric Flair for the WCW World Title

• Defeated Sting at WCW Spring Stampede 1998 for the WCW World Title

• Defeated Kevin Nash and Sting in a tag team match with Sid Vicious for the WCW World Title at WCW Bash at the Beach 1999

• Traveled to Brawlhalla and fought legends such as Artemis, Ulgrim, Val and Lord Vraxx

• Traveled to Marvel and fought Spider-Man and Deadpool

• Is respected by the Kool-Aid Man

Power

• As shown above, scales and equals Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan can do the following with his strength:

• Performed this powerful Leg Drop from space, which was calculated to be 127 Exatons of TNT

• Became a constellation alongside The Ultimate Warrior and were stated to be the two most powerful forces in the universe

• Defeated Lord Vraxx, who is capable of vaporizing a planet and possesses the power of a dying star

• Defeated Ulgrim and Artemis who can tear out the cores of stars. Artemis’ feat was able to yield these results

• Destroyed planets as Rasslor

• Battled Chuck freakin’ Norris, who can push the Earth down while doing push-ups

• Scales to Ray Mysterio, who caused an extremely large dent in this truck and then proceeded to kick the truck head so far that it created a mushroom cloud on impact

• Scales to the Rock who, when enhanced by magic, was able to create this electrical explosion

• Scales to Matt Hardy who has been stated to be able to destroy a universe. Considering that Matt Hardy is fueled by the power of the Broken Universe (which is another universe) and scaling to other feats - this makes a lot of sense

• Scales to Kane, who could fight 1 Book Undertaker and defeated Paul Bearer who was also in possession of a book. The book Undertaker had at the time was 1 out of 3, which collectively have the power to reshape the universe (TL;DR : 1/3 Universal)

• Scales to Bill Goldberg who moved the Rocky Mountains with a single arm (considering that the Rocky Mountains is the largest mountain system in North America,that is quite impressive)

• Bill Goldberg also performed a slam that was 10 on the Richter Scale. This would be 15.0802413958 Gigatons or Island level if using Radiated Waves and 294.71916826 Teratons or Large Country level if using Total Seismic Energy

• Scales to the Undertaker who once tore down the Wheel of Souls 

• Scales to the Ultimate Warrior who once threw two cinderblocks so hard that they exploded. 

Speed

• Can fight and beat Val, who has quicker-than-light cognition

• Fought many pros wrestlers and dodge their punches 

• Rode and stayed on a lighting bolt across the sky

• Scales to Alberto Del Rio who once punched coffee into space in just a few seconds

• Scales to Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior fighting as constellations 

• Scales to the Ultimate Warrior whose soul flew across the galaxy (5.25 billion c)

• The Ultimate Warrior also once moved so fast that he seemed to be creating afterimages

• Once hit Spider-Man while disguised as Bonesaw

Durability

• Took hits from Spider-M-er, the Human Spider

• Fell from the glass skyline, and was fine

• Survived the venom giving from Jake “The Snake” Roberts’ King Cobra

• Tank blows from Hulk Hogan, The Ultimate Warrior, Andre The Giant, King Kong Bundy

• Tank hits from Lord Vraxx, who is capable of vaporizing a planet and possesses the power of a dying star.

• Can tank this Leg Drop from space performed by Hulk Hogan, which was calculated to be 127 Exatons of TNT

• Scales to the Undertaker who survived Hellfire as well as tanked hits from supernatural creatures. 

• Scales to the Ultimate Warrior who survived a plane crashing down almost on top of him as well as survived atmospheric reentry 

Kool-Aid Man

Overall

• Giving children around the world Kool-Aid in needs of crisis

• Is one of the most iconic commercial mascots in history

• Said his signature “Oh Yeah” so loud it could be heard around the world and then some

• Is smart enough to create Kool-Aid flavors he needs for the exact situation in seconds

• Defeated Thirsties on multiple occasions 

• Saved the Earth many times 

• Went 3 times further than Soda

• Is classified as a Euclid level anomaly by the SCP Foundation

• Respects Macho Man Randy Savage

Power

• Regularly busts through walls (Brick, concrete, plaster, etc.)

• Burst through a steel ship, in space. Old school DBC was impressed with this feat

• Effortlessly bodied a bunch of kids in tug-of-war

• Bumped into the sun hard enough to shatter it into pieces

• Destroys the side of this cave

• Is heavy enough that it lifts up one side of a canoe

• Can shake the ground when he lands on it

• Breaks through a metal hull of a spaceship

• Destroys this giant sign by running through it 

• Likely scales to Mr.Clean, who was able to grow bigger than the sun and put it in a sunshine fresh bottle

• Likewise, KAM himself has been able to morph stars into constellations of his face, not once, not twice, but on THREE separate occasions… just wow

Speed

• Scales to Maria, who managed to dodge a laser from the Thirsties’ ship

• Reacts to and avoids electrical appliances 

• Ran from the SuperMarket to his house in a few seconds. 

• Should scale to a girl who after drinking Kool-Aid Bursts, was able to fly to the moon and make it spin around (.884 c)

• Should scale to Johnny, who after drinking Kool Aid Bursts, can burst through the earth in less than a second. (1.02 c) (Credit to KingCorporeal)

• Bumped into the sun from the earth in a second (249.5c)

Durability

• Regularly survives the impact of bursting through all types of walls

• Can survive the vacuum of space

• As shown above, survived a kart crash and got back up

• Is fine after falling off of trees

• Got zapped from the Thirst Ray and walked away just fine

Weaknesses

Macho Man

When you think of Macho Man’s kryptonite, there is only one man that comes to mind: Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan has always managed to get a leg up on Macho Man with Macho Man’s only win on Hulk being a less than clean win over at WCW. Outside of his bad record against Hulk Hogan, Randy is a wrestler and loves to play for the crowd. This often includes showboating and playing it up for the audience, leaving him vulnerable to an unexpected sneak attack. And though his signature Elbow Drop is extremely powerful, it can fail against an opponent and leave them refreshed and ready to go as shown during Macho Man’s fight against Hulk Hogan.

Kool-Aid Man

Have you heard of the phrase, “I’m a lover, not a fighter”? That’s Kool-Aid Man - being an advertisement mascot designed to sell drinks means that as insanely powerful as the Kool-Aid Man is...he’s not really much of a fighter. Preferring to solve things peacefully or using non combative means, the Kool-Aid Man rarely, if ever, steps into the fray to actually fight, meaning he lacks real combat experience. Also, his extremely round (and lovable) shape has caused him problems in the past where he falls and finds it difficult to get back up. The best way of defeating the Kool-Aid Man is simply by pushing him over and over again. He’s like a Koopa. Finally, though it may be easier said than done, Kool-Aid Man can be shattered and thus be rendered unable to move or really do anything.

Summary

Macho Man

“All I care about is that people are being entertained. It's not about being the world champion [in wrestling], it's about exciting the people. If you walk away entertained, then I did my job, and that's all I care about.”

Advantages:

• Takes the stat trinity in spades

• Able to resist Kool Aid Man’s transmutation thanks to his shapeshifting

• More experience as a formally trained fighter

• Weaponry and abilities are more conventionally suited for combat

• Cream can possibly contaminate Kool-Aid Man’s physiology

• Many of KAM’s abilities and his own physiology is edible

• OH YEAH

• THE CREAM WILL ALWAYS RISE TO THE TOP

• Can elbow drop whole Nations

Disadvantages:

• Much less varied in terms of abilities

• Some Wrestling moves won’t work thanks to the Kool-Aid Man’s physiology

• KAM has far better regen

• Forgetful nature can be exploited

• Had his finisher no sold

• His Elbow Drop could potentially revitalize the Kool-Aid Man to keep fighting

Kool-Aid Man

“You crash through a wall and into our lives. You bring the fun and all the good times. Not a care in the world, you inspire us to chill. If anyone’s gonna bring the ‘Oh Yeah’ you will. Oh yeah! (Oh yeah!) Oh yeah! (Oh yeah!) Oh yeah!”

Advantages:

• Smarter overall 

• Better range of abilities

• Kool-Aid Man’s physiology counters a lot of Randy’s more choke/grab related moves

• Has hax that Randy hasn’t shown resistances to

• Ability to clone and create Kool-Aid gives him insane regen

• OH YEAH

• Is the MCU’s next big villain

Disadvantages:

• Inferior in the stat trinity

• Outside of fighting the thirsties, not experienced in combat scenarios, while Macho Man’s whole career is fighting

• Many of his abilities aren’t suited for general combat

• Transmutation is resisted by Randy’s shapeshifting

• Possibly vulnerable to Randy’s cream contaminating him (don’t take that out of context).

• Went to the wrong Springfield

Verdicts

PineappleGuy Carmine

(Be a man, Kool-Aid Man!)

Hello everybody, after a while of sitting out these predictions blogs. As you may be able to infer, it took something I have a passion for to get me back, and it isn’t for my love of soft drinks. So yeah I was mainly here repping the Macho Man himself, as I’ve been an on and off fan of wrestling for over ten years. So let’s get right into it and see which one of these two are actually going to take it.

To start off, let’s go over the stats. Both Randy and Kool-Aid Man both either directly perform or scale to feats involving constellations. Kool-Aid Man seems to have instances of creating constellations, while wrestlers like Hulk Hogan and The Ultimate Warrior can become constellations greater than any in all the galaxies of space. Now you could argue that Randy scales to The Undertaker when he had one Book of the Dead, since jobbers like Mideon could fight around that level. The books do physically empower The Undertaker, so it would seem he would scale to that. However one could argue that the supposed feat of reshaping and controlling the universe could be a product of reality warping. I’m going to be giving Kool-Aid Man the benefit of the doubt and assume Randy doesn’t scale to this or Matt Hardy being powered by his Broken Universe, solidly near the same level in strength and durability.

Next let’s move on to speed. There’s a few instances of Kool-Aid Man being able to break the speed of light. Such as Johnny’s spin through the Earth, or running to the sun himself. I gotta say there’s no sugar coating it here, Kool-Aid Man just can’t stand up to the best speed WWE offers. Even assuming both would scale in reaction to their star moving shenanigans, The Ultimate Warrior’s journey from outside the galaxy beats it. The context is pretty clear, Warrior’s soul was released on a distant planet in another galaxy, and flew all the way to his mortal body on Earth. The fact that his mortal body was also on death’s door means it couldn’t have taken much time either. Randy scales to this without question, putting him millions of times faster than Kool-Aid Man and getting the speed edge.

Time for the more interesting part of the fight, the abilities. Both have similar powers like limited mind manipulation, shapeshifting, and a degree of teleportation. However Kool-Aid Man has the lead in hax here, but that’s not to say they’ll instantly work on Randy. His most obvious win condition would be his transmutation that can turn anything into Kool-Aid. The issue here is that Randy has already demonstrated the ability to mold his form freely back and forth, even into inanimate objects like the Slim Jim logo, so it isn’t a stretch to say that he could probably morph himself back to normal. You may be able to argue Kool-Aid Man could possess Randy while he’s an object, but that ability is a bit esoteric to assume he could do anything besides put his face or logo on an object. As for Kool-Aid Man’s BFR, Randy has a form of teleportation to get back, and suffice to say guys like The Ultimate Warrior with similar travelling abilities can go a lot farther than Kool-Aid Man has been shown to BFR. The size manipulation and time manipulation are things Randy can’t counter, so while Kool-Aid Man doesn’t have a way to immediately kill Randy with hax, he still has more useful abilities in this fight. Other than that, his minr fourth wall abilities and creating tiny versions of himself probably won’t be too useful here.

Arsenal seems pretty straight forward. They both have a similar number of weapons they can use to beat on each other. However things like a jetpack, lightsaber, and monster truck give the obvious edge to Kool-Aid Man.

As far as training, experience, and skill goes, it’s also kind of obvious. Randy has been fighting a lot longer and a larger variety of foes than Kool-Aid Man has. Combine that with Randy having an actual fighting style he’s trained in, and it gets worse for Kool-Aid Man. Even if Kool-Aid Man’s physiology allows him to be immune to a few aspects of wrestling like holds involving a neck, it won’t exactly save him from the vast variety of moves wrestling offers. Including Randy’s own finishing move.

So let’s go over the final results. They’re even in strength, Randy takes experience, skill, and speed by a wide margin, while Kool-Aid Man takes arsenal and has time manipulation and size changing to fall back on. So it’s essentially a battle of hax vs speed. Going off of that, I’m going to have to side with Randy here. If Kool-Aid Man maybe had a way to instantly put Randy down with one of his abilities, you might be able to argue he could potentially last long enough to get it off, since they’re similar in strength. However, as things are now, as good as Kool-Aid Man’s time abilities are, they can’t win an uphill battle on their own. Randy is just so much faster than him, he could attack Kool-Aid Man a thousand times before the thought of messing with time even popped into his head... erm, pitcher. There’s only so much one good ability can do for you when you’re just not fast enough to launch it before your opponent can get the jump on you. For that reason, due to his immense speed edge, I’m gonna have to say the winner of this contest is the one and only, The Macho Man Randy Savage. Rest in peace and much love to your family Mr, Poffo.

Also side note. Use more WWE in vs without memes, it’s cool enough on its own. Undertaker vs Itachi Uchiha and Brock Lesnar vs Jiren are unironically great. Farewell, hope to be back on an upcoming blog soon.

Trashy

(Guess who’s in Deltarune bby)

What’s up everyone, Trashy here, everyone’s favorite Trash Man. Now, before  I get started I’d like to say it’s been a wonderful time actually getting on a blog, it’s been a complete honor to work on this working with the good people (and Adam) at G1 to put this thing together. But enough of that, let’s discuss the matchup at hand.

Macho Man vs Kool-Aid Man, a matchup that is unironically one of my most wanted, is certainly a wild one. Both of these characters are loaded to the brim with all kinds of stupid things, and looking at what’s been shown so far, it’s gonna get crazy. So let’s get into it. 

Let’s start off with the obvious stuff. So as far as the non stat related categories are concerned, stuff like experience and skill go to The Macho Man by a country mile, considering he spent most of his career actually fighting. The Kool-Aid Man’s physiology, however, makes most of Randy’s wrestling moves like choke holds and such kind of moot. Another aspect is hax, which I think the Kool Aid Man has the edge. Not to say Randy isn’t lacking here, he’s got some good stuff like shapeshifting and teleportation, but he’s got nothing on the sheer number of hax the Kool-Aid Man has compared to Randy, like his Size manipulation and his limited Time manipulation. The most useful ones KAM has though, is his transmutation and his BFR. Unfortunately, Randy both of those thanks to his shapeshifting and his teleportation, the latter cancels out BFR as an option on both sides.

Alright, with that out of the way, let’s go into the second aspect of this, their stats. Now, Both have their fair share of feats regarding AP, from Macho Man scaling to Lord Vraxx from Valhalla destroying planets and being powered by a dying star or Hulk Hogan performing this Elbow Drop calculated to 127 Exatons to Kool-Aid Man bumping into the sun so hard it shatters into pieces. The biggest showstoppers are the feats regarding constellation shenanigans , be it KAM morphing stars into constellations of his face or Randy scaling to Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior turning into constellations themselves. There’s also shenanigans with The Undertaker and his 3 books being able to reshape the universe. Now, realistically Randy should scale to Undertaker with 1 book via scaling to Kane fighting the Undertaker with one book, which would put Randy at ⅓ Universal. There’s also 5D WWE via statements but that’s a little iffy. But if you don’t want to scale him to this, both seem to scale to similar stuff AP wise.

There’s also Kool Aid Man Marvel scaling but that’s just

The fact this is an official image has made me question existence 

But about the Marvel scaling, it’s a random child saying that he bets he’s as strong as the Hulk. It’s about as unreliable as you can get.

As far as speed goes, the best Kool Aid Man can scale to is him running to the sun and breaking it, which got 249.5 c. Now the feat’s presentation itself is weird and I myself am unsure on using it, but for the benefit of the doubt, let’s give it to him anyway. That should put the Kool Aid Man at MFTL speeds. Randy on the other hand, scales to the Ultimate Warrior, whose soul could fly across the Galaxy at speeds clocking in at 5.25 billions c, giving Randy a massive speed edge.

So what we have here are the following

• Both Randy and the Kool Aid Man have Similar AP via similar feats, though Randy has an argument or two for higher if you want to believe them. 

• KAM has more varied abilities and haxes, but Randy resists his transmutation and BFR, which are some of the more vital haxes the Kool-Aid Man has in this fight. 

• Comparing their speed, Randy blitzes hard. 

• As far as stuff like Experience and skill, that goes to Randy very easily.

So, looking at all factors. I believe the Macho Man Randy Savage will come out victorious thanks to his comparable, if not better AP, blazing speed, and crazy resistances. I believe the Macho Man will show THAT THE CREAM ALWAYS RISES TO THE TOP. OOOOOOHHHHH YEEEEEAAAAAAHHH.

MasterShowman

Greetings and salutations, people of the VS community. Today is a very, VERY special day, as today we shall be analyzing what is quite possibly the most absurd matchups Death Battle likely will ever do. That’s right baby ITS TIME FOR THE MMMMACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE OH YEAH TO TAKE ON THE KOOL AID MAN FOR THE CHANCE AT THE CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE ROOSTER TEETH DEATH BATTLE 2021 OH YEAH 

Ahem. Yes. Macho Man Randy Savage vs The Kool Aid Man. Believe it or fucking not, this matchup ACTUALLY can be analyzed, and YES, there is a victor. We have fun here in G1, analyzing talking pitchers of fruit punch.

So, what in the hell do these guys bring to the table? It’s an advertisement character and a WWE wrestler whose only connection is that they both plow through walls. They couldn’t possibly have enough feats and abilities to be analyzed in a VS sense, right?

Right??


Well as you likely gathered, my dear hypothetical reader, you, this shit goes crazy as balls. So let's see what there is to analyze, shall we?


So, stats and feats, what we lookin’ at here. Well both are easily in the MFTL+ range. Macho-Man scales to Ultimate Warrior’s Soul traveling to Earth from outside the Galaxy (long story) while Kool-Aid Man once smashed into the Sun (Not a long story)  With these feats, Randy at around 5 billion times ftl while Kool-Aid is at a mere 216 time by comparison. AP wise, BOTH either scale to, or flat out can turn into constellations, putting them at MSS+ at LEAST. Randy can possibly get higher, however, enough to 1/3rd Universal via scaling to 1 Book Undertaker. Yes, the UNDERTAKER has universal sauce I am not shitting around.

So not gonna mince words here, this is looking like a complete wash for Randy, and that’s because, well, it is. Kool-Aid Man does bring some HEFTY ass hax to the game, however, with his Kool-Aid transmutation and the like, but the problem is, Randy specifically resists transmutation (he once transformed into himself from a Slim Jims logo do NOT ask.)

Essentially, Kool-Aid can’t do anything to Randy with the stats Randy gets, but would you believe me if I said it gets even worse?  Randy has fought Chuck Norris, that’s right Chuck Norris, who, if you remember, can run around the world fast enough to punch himself in the back of the head, a feat that is mind-bogglingly hard to wrap your head around and is probably Immeasurable Speed but in all honesty I would not be surprised if it got higher. And that’s just one  Chuck feat. If we scale Randy to ALL of the official Chuck Norris facts? Kool-Aid is dead. Regardless of those facts, with Randy’s speed advantage, there’s absolutely nothing stopping Randy from just drinking the Kool-Aid Man and shattering the glass into atoms or just turning Kool-Aid’s body into cream. Even if Kool-Aid turns into the Earth itself or, hell, even a constellation, Randy could easily just smash the planet apart, or systematically destroy the stars making up the Kool Aid Constellation. He’s fought Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior, and BOTH of them could turn into constellations, so that trick is absolutely nothing new.


It’s about the time I’m writing this now that I’m sitting back and thinking, “Wow. I just typed a short essay about why the wrestling persona of a real life man beats an advertising mascot for a brand of fruit punch.” Is this what VS debating has come to? Are we in this community simply wasting our time discussing meaningless fiction? Is this whole ‘who would win’ debate simply just us trying to justify why our favorite characters are somehow ‘better’ than any other? Should we care about who would win if none of it is real in the end, and writers can simply do whatever they want with the characters? Would Superman actually beat Goku? Would they even want to fight?


Well let’s save those existential questions for a later date. For now, I will leave you with this.  It is the Macho Man Randy Savage that will be the victor here. He’ll beat the Kool Aid Man to the punch and will claim the World Championship Title of….

worlds best wall buster i dont fucking know ill be in my goddamn trailer

Adam天

(Eventually, I would have gotten in anyway)

I bet no one expected the man himself to be here, but yet I am. This match has been a long time coming and I am honestly really happy about it, especially since working on this was really fun. But with that out of the way, let's get right into it.

When you examine both of these guys from a surface level, it would seem to be not all that interesting of a debate. However, they are shockingly powerful underneath the surface, and that’s where all hell breaks loose. As far as statistics are concerned they both can get into cosmic ranges by shattering the sun, scaling, or just turning into constellations that can move. There is a big glaring issue with this though, KAM may be powerful but he is more consistently shown at lower levels, even if the sun feat was casual. KAM may be able to match Macho Man for a while but he is far less experienced as he hasn’t had as many fights as Randy.

But to play devil’s advocate, KAM has a lot of ways to make Randy have a pretty difficult time. From his manipulation of time to his different abilities from the flavors he should be able to keep up on his own. However, both have a lot of similar abilities where it counts, this being BFR. KAM can’t use it against Randy and vice versa since they both have the ability to just teleport back into the fight, with Randy’s version literally being meant to keep the fight up close.

With their experience and abilities out of the way, we get to the big part: Stats. Both of them at their worst can tear down walls and blow up buildings, but when at their best even stars are nothing to them. Despite both having cosmic feats, their stats begin to differ even then. So for comparison, let’s compare their power. Based on what gets them to star and above, what Randy scales to from Brawlhalla is more impressive than the KAM shattering feat. They can both scale to turning into constellations, but Randy has consistently fought wrestlers who casually do it, while KAM is just doing it on his own without anything to push him up. In the end, with scaling to the Books it should be pretty easy to go with Randy taking the edge in AP. So now we enter the final stage of speed. It really is sad to say but this isn’t even close. The highest KAM got was running to the sun to shatter it and it came out at less than a thousand times the speed of light, while the soul feat for The Ultimate Warrior is at the absolute LEAST 5.21 Million times.

It’s safe to say that even with better offensive hax, KAM can’t land them. Even then the ones he lands, such as transmutation, can get countered by how wild the Macho Man’s shapeshifting is as it can make him go from inanimate object to biological like the T-1000.  While KAM can bust down walls, Macho Man Randy Savage can elbow drop whole nations on behalf of the entire World Wrestling Federation OH YEEEEEEEAH!

Almost forgot, but you can freaking scale Macho Man to Chuck Norris. That itself literally just dunks on Kam.

EpicMonkey

(Who’s coming with me to the Stirring up Singles Party?)

OOOOOH YEAH! THE MACHO MONKEY TOONER SAVAGE HAS RETURNED TO GIVE YOU ALL THE RUNDOWN ON THIS LEGENDARY MATCH BETWEEN TWO LEGENDS, MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE VS THE KOOL-AID MAN!

*Cough Cough* Anyway, yes, I’m back. The awesome, the amazing… (I can’t think of any more good words that mean awesome) …EpicMonkey! 

Oh, you’ve never heard of me? Silly reader, I was the best part about the Iron Fist vs Po blog! Y’know, the one with the funny meme and a verdict shorter than everyone else’s? What do you mean you still don’t remember me? You’re an actual moron. 

Anyways back to the episode at hand, it was such a fun episode to research for. Both characters can do a lot of crazy stuff and it was so fun to binge watch Kool-Aid commercials with some friends. But who’s gonna win? Idk I haven’t watched the episode yet so don't spoil it for me plz. But who do I think is gonna win? Well it literally wouldn’t matter who I think will win because I am legally obligated to go for Kool-Aid Man. 

First of all, you’re probably thinking… “Kool-Aid Man can only break walls. What's he gonna do???” Well stop right there cause you’re WRONG. He can break much more than walls, such as stars, and can turn into constellations. This is incredibly awesome but the sad thing is that Macho Man can do the same… but Kool Aid Man can also do much more than break things. He can manipulate matter, ages, minds, time, teleport others, heal himself, leave the commercial, duplicate himself, he has a whole list of weird abilities. Sure, Macho Man can resist transmutation with shapeshifting, but what’s he going to do when Kool-Aid Man manipulates his mind to make him forget that he can even shape shift in the first place and can’t get out of turning into some Kool-Aid Jammers, or even better, some Stirring Up Singles? Nothing, there’s nothing this man can even do! Kool-Aid Man is just awesome like that! The KAM can also easily figure out that Macho Man can shapeshift as he also has the ability to read minds. Macho Man may be faster and stronger but even if he were to break Kool-Aid Man, the Kool-Aid Man can still survive as broken glass, or he'll survive as the liquid itself as he’s confirmed to be both. Have you ever tried punching liquid before? It’s very hard to do that. But even as broken glass Kool-Aid Man can rewind time to before that happens, duplicate himself to another location, or anything that can get the jump on Macho Man like his invisible flavor to where Macho Man wouldn’t know he’s still around. From there, all Kool-Aid Man has to do is exit the Commercial and he can affect Macho Man with his hax while Macho Man can’t do anything back. Oh and also Kool-Aid Man was in the Funkoverse Strategy Game where he fights Thanos Marvel and uhhhh yeah it wasn’t mentioned till now cause it’s too OP but it confirms the Kool-Aid Man W and I lied earlier I actually DO know the outcome as I saw the episode early Kool-Aid Man wins the killing blow will be him pulling out the infinity gauntlet and snapping his fingers Macho Man then turns to dust I’m right you’re wrong whoever agrees with me is invited to join me at the Stirring Up Singles Karaoke Dance Party!

JolleyRancher

(“Hi Random, I’m on tv!”)

Ohohoho boys and girls, am I excited for this one, it’s my first time being on a blog but you might know me for signing the declaration of independence or even directing the godfather. But as always I’m here to talk about the Deadliest of Battles. And as a lifelong wrestling fan this MU just puts a huge smile on my face. But without any further ado let’s move onto the matchup itself. Like Adam said, both of these guys are actually MUCH stronger than they appear on the surface, which leads to a very entertaining match in my eyes. But there has to be a winner.

So starting off it’s pretty easy to tell that Randy takes the stat trinity handily. Even if you don’t believe in 5-D WWE, Macho still has plenty of other feats that put him above KAM’s best. Everything from Matt Hardy being able to delete universes, an Undertaker with just one book of the dead being universal, not to mention Hogan and Warrior’s feat of turning themselves into constellations not too unlike KAM. Same goes for speed as scaling to Warrior’s “soul across the galaxy” feat virtually outclasses KAM being able to travel to the sun, by like. A Lot.

But what about abilities? Well I actually agree with the general populace that KAM is much more varied and has the overall better abilities than Randy, that combined with what appears to be an intelligence advantage means it’s very likely that KAM can keep up with Randy in a pure fight, at least for a while.

However the fact that Randy resists KAM’s best Hax (being transmutation) means that despite having the better regen, KAM is gonna have a harder time killing Macho Man than the other way around.Not to mention Randy isn’t a schlub in abilities either. Being able to transform himself and teleport anywhere he pleases is going to ensure that Macho Man will have the majority of the battlefield advantage as well.

Especially considering his massive speed avantage against KAM. Sure we could get more and more into the semantics of things such as Kool Aid being harder to put in a headlock, or that the C R E A M could possibly contaminate KAM, but there’s no doubt about it.

Macho Man is the Roughest, the Toughest, the Fastest, and the Strongest. And has the perfect abilities to resist what KAM can throw at him. Grab your slim jims everyone. Because the Cream of the Cup is rising to the tippity top.